Three Things

The other night, my daughter asked me what it takes to be brave when you are sick. The question came out of nowhere, at bedtime, when she's her most philosophical. I felt a little unprepared to answer it, at first. Usually, I'd ask her what she thinks, both because I love to hear how her mind works, to listen to her explain the connections she's making about this world as she grows up just a little too fast in it and because it buys me a little time to think. This time, though, I didn't ask what she thinks.


We've talked a lot about being brave in this family. Life brings hurdles that we must choose to face or flee, and many times those hurdles and those choices can be scary. The only regrets I have are rooted in situations where I chose not to face my fear, where bravery felt furthest away, where I couldn't conjure the strength to say "I can do this!" I don't want my daughter to miss out on important experiences because she is afraid. I want her to know about herself what my mom taught me when I was little, that she can do whatever she sets her mind to. That with hard work, perseverance, and the hutzpah to face your fears, you can achieve so much in life. I want her to take calculated risks, to feel the rush of a hard earned accomplishment. I want her to feel so loved by her family that even when she is scared to do something, she feels secure, safe, and loved, the way I do.


I've watched her face many challenges, some tenuously, some with fierce determination. I see a lot of me in the way she approaches the world. My girl knows she is strong, but she is also fearful. I worried that she would grow up like me, with regrets for not having done things because of her fears. But I also knew my urging her to be brave when she felt scared had sunk in the minute she told me to be "brave like a tree" when I was first diagnosed.  I could tell she was making important connections between what we'd talked about and the world around her. I know she looks to me, and to others in our family, for models of what those things mean. So, when she asked me what it takes to be brave when you're sick, I knew the three things I needed to share with her. The three "F's" that help you face your fears:

1. Faith. You have to know, to believe, that God will see you through.
2. Family (the one you're born into and the ones you choose) to lend support, of which I've had an abundance.
3. Focus on the positive, because having that helps you see past the fear.

I'm lucky to have those things. I hope she will continue to have them in her life, to face the things that scare her, to summon that brave tree when she needs to. I hope you all have that too.