The New Normal

With the end of primary treatment comes incredible joy, and also some uncertainty. There may be a nagging in my mind, a worry that each ache and pain from here on out is cancer related, a sign that it's come back, but I REFUSE to let that interfere with my life. I've talked with my doctors, and I know what signs and symptoms are reason for concern. Outside of that, life needs to get back to normal. I'm not sure what normal is anymore, but I'll find my way there.

As I look back on this journey, I see the faces of everyone around me. I see the fears, the concern, the steadfastness. I see the tears and the laughter. I see the encouragement, the support, the silliness. I see friends, love and nurturing all around me and I am OVERWHELMED by it all. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. Thank you for reading as I struggled through, trying to make sense of it all. Writing this blog has really helped me, in ways too numerous to describe right now. I hope, in some small way, it's helped others too. The physical and emotional changes of this ordeal are powerful. Let them be dimmed only by our spirits as we move forward!

I love not being the sick girl anymore. It's no longer completely obvious, just by looking at me, that I've been through this ordeal. It was shocking the first time I realized this. I was doing the pre-op for my hysterectomy, and the woman checking me in made a comment about how she just loved my haircut. How it suits my face and must be so easy to deal with. When I mentioned my hair was just growing back in after chemo, she looked shocked. That encounter made my day!  It happened again recently. I was approached by a man at the gas station. He felt he had to comment on my hair, loved my short hair/big earring combo. He apologized for staring, told me I was beautiful, and made some joke about my lil one telling my husband about the strange man at the gas station. As I drove away, I was so wrapped up in thinking about NOT being the sick girl anymore that I missed my exit. Ha!

I'm so excited for the future. I know now, more than ever, what a gift each day is. I know I won't be perfect. I'll probably take something for granted from time to time, but I really want to move forward and do something valuable with this renewed sense of energy and joy for life. Young cancer survivors face scary odds when it comes to their long term survival. I have no intention of giving in, giving up, or stopping the fight. Primary treatment may be a wrap, but I still have lots of work to do. This next phase isn't just about getting and staying healthy, it's about really living life. And, since blogging my way through cancer proved to be so rewarding, I've decided to keep going. I hope you'll join me as I blog about my journey to be "alive in 5" years (that's the longevity those studies are all based on. Seriously?! ). The blog is still a little rough around the edges, but stick around. I've got BIG plans!

New Blog: http://alivein5.blogspot.com/

Oh, and here's a little video I put together of some of the photographs from along the way. The song is a Martina McBride song. I remember hearing her perform it live on GMA, long before I had cancer. I cried. It's a beautiful song, and feels very much like the experience I've had along the way. Also, I wish I had pictures of everyone who's helped along the way. I guess we were all so focused on getting well, we didn't do a great job of documenting all that helped. You are all so amazing! So much love, and your love has made all the difference in my life!